’Tis the season! You can tell, because Black Friday has come and gone and now they’re advertising doorbuster sales for Christmas day. Black Friday was the wonderful invention of some civic-minded committee determined to help burnt-out Americans celebrate their glorious day off by giving thanks for alarm clocks and lines that stretch around the block. You can tell it’s a really sweet family celebration by its cheerful name, “Black Friday.” It does sound like a stock market crash, but actually it’s all that stands between us and another stock market crash, so never fear. In case you missed it (I confess, I slept through the frenzy and spent the day eating leftovers) there is another opportunity just. around. the. corner. You, too, can snap awake hours before dawn and celebrate the holidays in just a couple weeks. No, not on Christmas morning, eager for Santa and presents and cinnamon buns, but the day after Christmas, when you can conveniently return all of your presents and get a discount on what you really wanted. That’s the stuff.
Another tell-tale marker of December is the clever work of your local Christmas tree “light installation services.” That’s a real thing. Not got your lights up yet? Losing your neighborhood decoration contest? No problem. You can actually pay somebody else to come fish out the boxes from the basement, test all of the bulbs, and spend hours jazzing up the place. It might seem like you’d miss out on the memory-making smell of chestnuts roasting and bells jingling and what-not, but think of all the extra time you’ll have to plan your day-after shopping strategy! On the other hand, you could save money by not hiring that guy and, you know, light a few candles. Just a suggestion.
Our crew decided to buy a non-traditional tree this year; we got a baby pine tree that we can plant in the yard when all is said and done. There was a lot of vociferous debate about which tree looked Christmassy enough but would also grow to a lofty (and shady) stature some day. Charlie Brown won. Yeah, we’re classy.
Dave Barry had it right. ’Tis the “deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” We wouldn’t want to say Merry Christmas, however. “These days, people say ‘Season’s Greetings,’ which, when you think about it, means nothing. It’s like walking up to somebody and saying ‘Appropriate Remark’ in a loud, cheerful voice.”
So, Appropriate Remark to you all! And have a holly jolly shopping spree. 🙂
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